Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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