Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
