My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
