You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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