Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
