They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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