Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
