i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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