Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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