She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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