I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
