i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
