Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
These tits shall not be calmed
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