worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she smelled like a LAN party
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture