she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S