just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
