i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy