Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.