guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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