i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
zippers are such a cool invention
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
