Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
