I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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