put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
