I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
