At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
