My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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