I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
