Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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