we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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