i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
