I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
