i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
