Your face is a jimmy john
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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