I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
