you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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