If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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