were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.