So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.