i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment