i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
