My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?