The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick