thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
