I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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