I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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