My first STD was from a foam party
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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