i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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