I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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