i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My vagina just clenched in fear
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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