His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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