I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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