Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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