You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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