I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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