my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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