I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
