i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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