The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
