I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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