I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
