what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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