I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
two words...techno handjob
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
