just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
