I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
