That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
