hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
