I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
