what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pants are for mortals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
