guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
