You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
