Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
