I want to make a zoo with you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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