I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
