There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
