What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
