Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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