Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
