hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
